So far away

I'm away from home and far away. I knew I would miss a Thanksgiving and opening presents at Christmas. There would be birthdays and New Years, all things that I've... been there... done that. I would only miss one of each and I'd be home before anyone got used to me being gone. It's only a year after all.  I thought those would be the hard times. I was so wrong.

My friend is in pain, and I pray. Her daughter is on life support and I can not help in any way, so I pray. I can't come home to be there for her, to help or to comfort her... I'm so helpless...so I pray. She will have a funeral for her baby girl , the only one she had. I know no details of what had gone so terribly wrong. Would it help me or anyone if I knew? So I pray. I pray for her comfort, her peace, her strength to get through this horrendous madness that no parent should ever have to face alone. And I pray for the Lord's love and strong arms to wrap around her every second of every day that she has to survive this earth without her child. And I pray with the believe that God will be with her every step of the way. And I'm grateful that she was brought to our church by her daughter to make unbelievably supportive, caring, wonderful friends that will be with her... God's will and God's walk, for such a devastating day.

 I will remember her beautiful happy face forever- RIP Angela

Hello Hell!!

                            In a new location and the 4th day of a cold, sinus thing. I've been doing a lot of sleeping and being sick and this is the perfect place to do it at. There is nothing to do here. The 3 of us work 2 hours in the morning from 6-8 and then 2 hours in the afternoon, 3-5. That's it! This is an itty, bitty base and any change would not be tolerated! That's OK... Not that I am all about work...sometimes I want to sit around just like the next guy- but not often and this is ridiculous! I was so needed here in Hell that I got a 12 hour notice that I was leaving Shangri-La. We were so busy the day I left that I barely had time to pack and forgot things. Now that I'm here, they are in no way set up for another person. 4 days later, and I still don't have Internet access- something very essential to do my job, well I need it to blog- don't I? I still haven't wrapped up my patients from the last base. We don't have the necessary equipment...example #1: who ever heard of have a medical clinic with nowhere to wash your hands? That's right, we do not even have a sink. It's disgusting working on patients with no washing in between them. Of course there is the hand sanitizer- NEXT!  Example #2:  There is no weight scale, quote,"too many people used it and broke it. They abused the privilege so we will not get another." So, I laughed, (you know me). A scale is really our way of making friends. It's the ring on a Merry-Go-Round that when you've caught it, you've really accomplished something. That is our scale. It brings the customer/patient in for a minute. It's your chance to make an impression. To be open and friendly...someone they can trust with their health.
 The bright side, (I'm all about a bright side), is I can feel that I've lost weight. Yippee! I was very resistant to this change in bases. I loved my last location and had friends. Everyone there smiled when they saw us coming. People crossed the street just to say HI! Patients came into the clinic sick and most went right back to work trusting that the care we gave would fix them up. Why on earth would anyone want to break something that worked so well? Poor LaDona is somewhere else and unhappy too, under a different gestapo. It seems to be a trend here...being unhappy. It amazes me that people stay the full year or even do more than one contract. You can tell who the new people are. They are the ones who smile and still have hope. Everyone looks at you like you are an alien...or the wait and see you in a month look, when you are as unhappy as them. The loners do stay for years. They do their robot jobs and exist day to day. AND mean people, they're everywhere, making life miserable for everyone.
 Medical people can be cruel. They have a power all their own, because they can send people home. We are here to keep the worker's healthy, happy and working. They come in sick or injured. Most won't even come in to any clinic for fear that they will get sent home, and sometimes for good reason. Or they come in when they can't manage their condition any longer, get care, medicine...and not come back for their follow up not chancing another opportunity to be sent away. I've found that many people can be borderline healthy and still manage to pass the physicals and come to work in Afghanistan. The conditions here are horrible. It's the nature of Afghanistan...very harsh, sand gets into everything...what you eat, drink, breathe. I once read a story about the making of," Jesus Christ Superstar." During the big dance scene in front of the temple ruins, they were diving into the sand and the director wanted a BIG effect with puffs of sand rising among the dancers as they dove into the earth. They could've gotten just that kind of sand here in the ends of the world- Afghanistan. It is like a powder puff as you walk. It reminds me of "Pig Pen", from Charlie Brown.  You'd think that since we are so isolated that it would give us something in common and band together. Not at all. LaDona and I had that in common...taking care of people with compassion and dignity and making them laugh. Our patients thought that we were their friends and like family. Even the few that had to go home, were grateful that we cared so much for them. Not one yelled or cursed us. That's how it should be.
 There is no reason to look down on or degrade another human being. You don't say, if you don't take care of your feet I'm going to send you home. You don't yell at the ones who really can't speak English. Why should anyone have to say," don't crap in the showers" and, " no squatting on the toilet seats when you go to the bathroom." There is actually a sign for this with a cute little person sitting daintily on the seat, then the bohemian with their feet on the seat and posed in a squat. I think to myself...what is our limit of teaching? Is it OK that some people are not of the west? Is it OK to do your own thing your own way? Looking around, I saw no one who would do such a thing. But is there a way to stereotype such behavior. Is there anyway to tell what nasty things people do in when they are alone. Unfortunately not... we are all guilty of some pretty gross behavior.  I like to think your things are worse than mine. But, to be honest.... We try to be civilized and live in this world together. We try to be respectful of the next guy. AND then there's Mr Perfect, who can sit in judgement and spew his verdict and expect life as they want it. Is it any wonder so many people are unhappy!
So this is my mission. I choose joy! I choose happiness! I choose to be the nut in this chaos! And I choose to be delirious in my new home. There are many nice people here, and for this....I'll probably be sent home as the renegade that I am...stand by!
                      

I love working here - Oct 23 (late post)

    Any kid of contractor can really make some really good kind of dough when they go out of the good ol' USA. That's was a motivation for me!  Those tax free dollars and debt free dreams are stuff that gives you the warm fuzzy's and makes you sleep like a baby- right? Wake Up!!! Get your head out of the clouds. This is not champagne wishes and caviar dreams. There is no such thing as free.
My ears are now tuned to the, "if you do this____, ( fill in the blank) then you will get sent home. I spent the day walking around and listening to the threats... if you smoke in non- designated areas..., if you wear the wrong shirt..., if you fo dee do do..., if you are too cheery..., if you get caught in the lady's compound (men only)...and the ultimate nail biter, fear raiser threat- if you get sick....you get the picture. So suppose we get food poisoning. At home I'd be raising all kinds of hell and letter writing, but here you have to think. You do the "light fandango" as you race for the basin, because we are all friends and we are all in this together. So we heave chunks on the sly in the name of our good buddies or the faces that we see everyday. There are many good people here just trying to etch out their living and do well for their families. Hard working men and women who really deserve a break today. But, it is a military contract. Our bread and butter, and rules must be preserved for the general good of all. So the dilemma goes...

 

    I love working here. I am cramming so much new information in my head that I think every night- I can't take anymore! Then the 'morrow comes and I'm back to learning and studying and practicing. I do my walk back and forth to the DFAC (chow hall) and back and forth to the smoking shack. That's all the available free time for me. I watched a required movie that I am now requiring all of you to watch, " Camp Victory, Afghanistan." It shows some of the conditions and the atmosphere that we live in, (don't forget the sand...in fact, I bet it will take me a year to get it off my stuff when I go home.) and it was good movie too. Sometimes it's very hard to remember that I'm in the middle of a war zone. Then there's other times...but I always try to make the best of it. In fact, I was very sick yesterday. While running to my favorite private spot, I ran into someone I knew not at all. I said ,"excuse me", as I ran past her. She yelled out, " what's wrong with you, you are always so cheery." I was shocked that anyone noticed.

 

 I try to be a positive, motivating influence on everyone. I always have talked to everyone and anyone, which is serving me well here. It is amazing how many people that I have met and group with that are Christians. We draw each other like magnets....just saying. Never is it more evident than when I'm far away from home with so many different nationalities from so many different countries. I am still keeping up with my Bible studies, but more -keeping him before me. Also, we are in the middle of Muslim-land, ( they are all over), and I have yet to see anyone at prayer, (what is it, 5-6 times daily?) There is a mosque here...never seen anyone in it. Isn't that strange.... Just another point to ponder.

 

Miss you all and I get all of your comments even though I cannot see my own blog. So write! Is there anything that you would like me to write about? Or just drop a Hello to me!

See ya!

Stupid Me!‏

The owner of the company stopped by for a visit. I was excited to see him again as I had met him in training and he was nice and funny...really interesting and down to earth. However, I should've known. Let's title this blog- Stupid me! We had to clean house until it shined, not a big deal in the middle of the desert when you have to clean everything everyday anyways, but it would've been nice to have some normal cleaning supplies. We used itty-bitty wipies for surfaces and there was nothing to wash the floor with. We have some guys that come in daily to do this stuff, and they have all that stuff stashed. If I had a stash of cleaning supplies at my disposal, my 4X6 area would sparkle. But alas, I make do with alcohol wipes, tiny wipie's and brown paper towels swished around by my feet. Hey, it works! Never again will I take Mr Clean for granted. Never would I think a clean space would be so important to me. But we are in the middle of the desert and the sand is so fine that I even have to wrap my laptop in plastic. It's getting so bad (or I'm getting used to it), that the other night after a loooonng work day my southern buddy says, "let's go shower and hit the hay", and I replied- what for, we only get dirty again the minute we walk out of the showers. Thank you God for my nettie pot! A clean nasal passage is a definite "must have" here.

And snakes! I was so excited not to have seen a snake here yet. Then, I was walking in the dark without my flashlight and complacent, (Stupid me!) and BAM! I walked right over one. I was talking so I didn't notice right away, ( does that surprise anyone?), but then it registered and it had already slithered away. My buddy wants to check me in for hallucinations.

And back to today...perfectly nice people became raging maniacs, rude, above us all, when the bosses are around. Boy, I feel as if I'm back in Detroit at Joe Shmo ambulance company. Everyone was on edge. I made a quick get a way with my buddy for lunch. Busted!!! We were later told that we HAD to go with the group to dinner. Then, I almost missed the bus!!! Ha! Ha! But again I was busted, yelled at like the 2 y/o that I am, and away I meekly went. Ha! Ha! Ha!

 

So I don't have to rely on all the Linda Blair's of the world, I have my friends- well just LaDona who laughs with me all day and is in on the secret. So we went out to my favorite hang out spot- the smoking lounge. It was great fun as the Bosnians were having a party, it being Monday night and all. They seem to have these random parties for any reason and they are very nice. So we popped it and were given "near beer" and they had bought some snacks and I laughed so hard. There was even almost a fight! Good times!!!

 

I'll post some pictures at a later date.

 

Remember me in your prayers always!

Silly Patient Tricks 10/22

We are never, ever to divulge patient information...but I can tell you of all their silly little antics!

Trick #1: Today, a patient came back as ordered for further treatment. He was a really sick guy. Sick people usually cry and scream for their mommy's, or they're quiet. This was his case. He was very quiet and we caught him crying because he thought we would send him home. He is the only bread winner in his family, from a very poor country. His English is almost non-existent. So today it was a total shock, as I was evaluating him...and him saying how much better he was, that he told me of a mid- back pain that he suffered last night. I went and checked the side effects of his medications and returned to him to get a more focused idea of what was going on. I touched his back in the area he was describing and I said," does it hurt here"? He said no,"up more". So I rubbed the area up higher, and said,"anywhere here?" and he says, no,"up more". Now I see him moving his shoulders and I realize that he's trying to con a back rub out of me and I said," are you trying to get a back rub out of me?....He said yes! And then he laughed hilariously...

Trick #2: Today I missed my big chance... some really hot Bosnian guy came in. I have found that most guys from Bosnian are really hot. Unfortunately, they are also too young for me. Actually my fish pond is growing smaller by the day. (him, haw).. So anyway, I took him since LaDona was busy, but I really needed to run to the ladies- like yesterday! He said he needed to be seen for... a cough? He goes into the exam room and asks if he should take his pants off. I laugh and say, if that would make you more comfortable... (Hey, I'm old, not dumb). Well I do my utmost to be professional and evaluate him, (with pants on) but he seems to think it's playtime in the romper room and I can't laugh anymore without embarrassing myself, so I hand him off to LaDona. On my return, he is taking his shirt off...even LaDona doesn't know why, so I go in to ...help out...That's my story and I'm sticking to it! She's busy checking out his...nasal passages, his lung sounds on his chest...and he says," if you touch me one more time  I might have to grab you and love you." That southern girl has never been at a loss for words before. And I know she has never blushed in my presence before. But, as the clinic erupted in laughter, she did both of those things.

 

Trick #3: There are patients that really step over the boundary that is drawn between medical people and patient. For LaDona who has been seeing a BIG guy since we got here, He has come in for a number of legitimate complaints and returns with extremely useful gifts. I get some too! Problem is...I'm afraid in his little puppy dog state that he is going to do serious harm to himself. Not that he is purposely injuring himself...he's not. But he is so happy to have to come and see her. She joins me at the smoking shelter and he hops on down too. I'll laugh if he takes up smoking.

 

We are the motivation team. We sometimes get asked medical questions as we wander the compound, like- It hurts when I put my thumb like this... and I answer, don't put your thumb like that.

And we get those Don's who tell us that their hearts hurt every time they see us...I'm taking that as a compliment, 'cause I figure the other end would hurt if it wasn't meant to be.

The benefits!!! Everyone is so nice!

Same, Same...but different

As I look around at all of the foreign people on the compound, it suddenly occurred to me that it doesn't matter how far away from home I am... things are the same all over.

I was a little melancholy today as I looked at my daughter's wedding photos. An event that I had to skip and I'm blaming it on the economy. I hadn't had a job in 2 years when this opportunity came along, so I jumped at it, and landed in Afghanistan. Nikkie understood, but I still wished I had been there. It looked so beautiful and happy! What a special day for her...  Congrats Baby! The dresses were beautiful. This was one occasion that the girls weren't dressed as on the cover of Vogue....maybe Sport's Illustrated / Swimsuit Edition...Scott & Nikkie's wedding was on a cruise ship. How great was that! So they were all dressed in the latest swimsuit fashions. There was also dress up at dinner and this is where my story takes off.

We all know how important fashion is in America...land of plenty and don't forget to show it off. I never thought of myself as a fashion guru apart from being an armchair critic for "Project Runway". But I saw my inner snob come out this week. There are very few American women where I am. There are Bosnians, Macedonians, Germans, Kenyans, Pakistani's, even some "home boys" from Afghanistan and many other countries too numerous to name. The American women...you know us...we wear the ordered: desert boots, tan cargo pants, uniform shirt...March... drab, drab. The Bosnians and Kenyans seem to have cornered the 70's market. I can't remember when the last time I saw someone with a Cyndi Lauper balanced on the top side of your head ponytail. I almost yanked that baby off. And bangle bracelets...Hello Madonna!!! And tight, tight stretch jeans...WTH, we're in Afghanistan...just peel those baby's off. You look ridiculous with those sweat spots on your behind- or maybe it's all the water that I make you all drink- Ha! ha! ha! who knows. And under no circumstance, in any country, at any age is it acceptable to wear anything Sponge Bob Square Pants- you hear me? And, the bad weaves...it was funny that a girl tried to negotiate a couple weaves of my buddy's hair. Problem was...it's her real hair!!! They wear winter coats and fluffy winter vests...Today it was 110 degrees. Don't even come to me with your heat stroke. It's not fashion if it makes you sick. OK, maybe it could kill you...like the 10 inch spikes my daughter Angee and her friends wear. (That's right! They shop in New York City).  I secretly want to push her off those towers of glory just to make a point. You are going to break your neck! Then it occurred to me... you're either into fashion, or you are OUT! Girls just want to be the best that they can be. Same, same...but different.

A Paramedic story

Paramedics here are a gas! We all try to "one up" each other. We tell our tales of the grosses stories that would make you anorexic in 5 seconds, but  today I learned some useful tricks. I even got one of the guys to volunteer for this! I was taught how to roll an eyelid! This could be a very useful skill to teach your 5 year old. Use a Q-tip on your eyelid crease and grab the lash line while gently rolling the lid back. See...now you too can be a remote medic! I remember my grandma telling me that if I didn't stop that my eyelid would get stuck! But it's a great thing to know for someone with a stye. And I ask, is there any cutting involved? No unfortunately....
I am a procedure "ho" which means I really like to cut and stitch. I don't like the testing part- collecting poop, urine-yuk! We practiced stitches yesterday. It's amazing that everytime we have a lecture on something the patient follows. We had an elbow lecture...in walks an elbow injury. I even got to poke him with a stretched out paperclip...a legitimate test called the 2 point test, something like "pin the tail on the donkey", but with a patient. Yeah! We had a class on HEENT, ( sinus drain) and we had a run on that, oh boy... So we're learning how to do different techniques for stitching someone up. I've been waiting all day at the door, like a hungry dog waiting for a bone. I've suggested a number of times that Mike (lead paramedic/hot guy) let me cut him for the sake of my practice skills. I fiqure that since I'm stitching him up and I'll bandage that baby, (the wound- well Mike too), and I know how to do some neat stitches thanks to "Home Ec", so who would ever know.    Speaking of gas... local hot guy, lead paramedic " Mike" happens to be full of it today. We are all congratulating him as he was promoted today to a Regional Operating Manager. I guess I'll have to act a little more respectful and play nice...I can be bribed! So...Congratulations Mike!!!  And my eye rolling volunteer keeps following me around asking for therapeutic message...I told him to talk to me tonight- wink.

Give me a break!!!!

    Germs are everywhere!!! We are having a out break of a cold virus. Employees are swarming into the clinic for help-. Fix me, they say! The only cure for a virus is hot soup and tea and treat the symptoms. What they really want is a day off. Give me a break. I'm working 14 hour days. Of course there's nothing else to do around here but work, but... Give me a break! They are going to infect me! How's that for a caring and compassionate health care worker. I'm finding that I'm having to teach them how to blow their nose on the brown paper towels, (wet them first or they will tear up your upper lip and nose), because there are no soft, fluffy tissues to be had here in Afghanistan. And, chapstick has many uses. Use #3 -scent free is used to put up your nose to prevent bleeding. How's that for army medicine! Dehydration is deadly here. I am constantly reminding everyone to drink their 4-6 liters of water a day. .. and please don't let anyone catch me cracking up as they make their 5th trip to the bathroom in the middle of the night.  And do I really need to remind anyone of the no fraternizing rule? You can tell the couples by who gets sick- like we already guessed.
    On the plus side, I have learn that any women go from a 2 in the States to a 10 in Afghanistan. Imagine that!  Men out number the women 100-1. I originally thought that the guys working on these bases were extra chivalrous when the guys jumped to carrying my luggage, but when they moved as a pack of starving wolves? You've got to wonder-hum? They are so polite! They hop across barriers and gravel pits to say Hi! There is always room at any packed table in the mess hall even if their buddy has to sit on the floor. There is a women in her 50's who never got out of the 70's, and she actually wears make-up! Give me a break! Don't we have enough crap to wash off at night from all of the sand. She's cute as a button in her tight pink pants and large hoop earings- no it's not me- I never wore hoops. I can't guess how some can get around the uniform requirements. Anyways, I went for a midnight stroll and happened upon her and her beau at Lovers Lane. It's a quaint little corner of picnic benches at night that fairies turn into hard, break your ass, wooden benches during the day. He looked to be about 20 and Indian. I don't know what he was after???
     Speaking of getting it, hell tent (the boudoir where I sleep) has finally turned around. There'a a new bitch in town. My southern belle, sweet as apple pie friend has turned Cujo! She had enough last night when we came in from working our 14 hour sift and the princesses had turned off the lights. We stumbled around with our mini flashlights to gather our personals to waltz across base to shower, ( another act of terror- snakes are nocturnal. We wear our boots to the showers and then back again in our jammies- cute visual isn't it). So anyway, she dropped a book that made a loud crash. I did my deputy dog laugh so hard, that I thought I was going to hurt myself. No one said a word...it's the little things here. You got to take a stand against stinky feet! Men sneak in and out of the private girl rooms all night and we have to fight to keep our space and for sole control of the temperature remote. Give me a break!
   

NOT MY MOM!

    Afghanistan is a different world. I am used to a pristine world with clean, cool drinking water, a flushable toilet and all the toilet paper that my bowl can handle. I love a nice long, hot shower and blow drying my hair to make it silky soft and stylish. I can wash my hands and then use them to eat with. But, not here- I am in Afghanistan. I have no blow dryer, water is bottled, and they have real outhouses. Thank you God that they don't have the squatty potty's here! They don't call this the sandbox for nothing.
    Thanks to all of the sand, everything is dirty. There is no way to keep anything clean. You get sand in places it should never be. Think of going to the beach- but worse. Sick call is always unusual. A pimple on your face will turn into a facial abscess in a day, mosquito bites get infected on a regular basis, (or I think it's mosquito's, who can tell, everything bites here). Sand in your eye, (remember I talked about the sand storms), can be a ripped cornea with little effort and infection is rampant. Sinus problems are common, (Claritin anyone? It should be given out in the free tub next to the chapstick and condoms), and so is foot ailments so disgusting that you can't go into the showers without shoes. There is no way to keep your feet clean and dry. Nasty fungus between your toes, under your nail, ripped skin from the sharp rocks...these are the things that keep me in business and allow me to do procedures...arrrr,arrr (thanks tim the tool man for that wonderful  expression of satisfaction). I am learning how to extract ingrown toenail. Now aren't you jealous that you didn't come with! I can also drain your pusy, (you try to spell it), wounds with a simple cut from my scalpel. Stitches should be a breeze since I sew and cross stitch, so watch out! You might end up with a pretty little rose on your ripped up, muscular thigh- oo la, la. That's one way to leave my mark here. I am becoming the medic with the most-est! USA! USA! USA!

    Speaking of, most of the world wants what we have in the good ol' USA...clean water, fresh food, peace and strength. AND, I mean strength without fear. Freedom not to be forced to blow themselves up as a human bomb when the bad guys are holding their families hostage. They speak of MTV and wearing jeans and t-shirts. They dream of saving enough money to move to the USA, land of the free, home of the brave. I've heard of this back home, but to actually meet and talk and see first hand is truly a God given experience. So, when you hear USA bashers carrying on about the war, please recite former Prime Minister Tony Blair of Great Britain when speaking of America," A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at...how many want in...and how many want out." USA,  USA, USA! We see foreigners all day in the clinic. The guys flock for our care. 'Course they always start out with asking for mouth to mouth, (for trench foot, I don't get it?) 



I am in Shangri-La...

I am in Shangri-La...really. I went from a big base that had so many fireworks that I was sick of losing sleep! The smaller base that I was sent to has Marines, oo-rah! They take no crap and are so polite! This is another universe. We have a steak cookouts once a week and the food is incredible everyday, every meal. It's even clean and looks like they sweep the gravel.
The downside is that we sleep 10 beds to a tent. Being a princess, I am not accustomed to that. We have 2 unofficial room Mom's that sleep higher than the rest of us peons. They direct us from their throne/bed and give you the proper etiquette of confined space behavior. For example, there are rules for lights on (7am) and lights off (10pm). Property found under your bunk is yours. Yesterday, Bosnia was looking for her helmet and she found one under Cherry's bed. She asked if it was Cherry's helmet, and she said," if it's under my bed, it's mine." Well....Bosnia looked at the numbers and it was hers- which she stated and clicked, clicked right out there. Funny! We're thinking about putting all the dirt that we sweep up under Cherry's bed- she can have it. I like Bosnia. She appears not to notice that they don't like her. She's friendly to me and I'll take all the friends that I can get. And the mom's also they tell you off if you slam the door...they chased me down for this very thing. So I just sweetly explained that I'm from Detroit and very used to a lot of noise. I don't even notice it. In fact, when there's a shooting, I tell them to shut up, roll over and go back to sleep! I even speak loud...didn't they notice- and then I laughed!!! They laughed back- this time....
 Here's about the little things...
Me and my buddy lost our flashlights. Not a big deal back home. I can't even remember where I put the flashlights or if they even have batteries in them back home. Then a big storm comes and a power outage and suddenly the flashlight becomes important. It becomes comfort and your bestfriend, never leaving your hand until power is restore and then they're thrown aside again. Yesterday, the male electricians dared to work in the estrogen zone. Flashlights came up missing. I almost ran to security to report the thief, I was so angry!.. only to find mine wrapped in a hoodie. Flashlights are used to walk at night, as a fall precaution, since all streets and walkways are gravel here to keep down the dust. We also use them to search and scare away critters: Mice, Rats, Snakes, Scorpions...everything bites and you got to have the jump on them! So I'm feeling silly being upset about the little things when I suddenly realize that Ms. Cherry is the Vector control officer and I realize a new horror....She could really screw with me. I am at her mercy!

Hurry up and wait, then don't get paid...

Today has been a lesson in patience. And before we go any farther, please join me in a firm hello to the reason I am far away from home...the Taliban. Yes, that's right. I understand that they are following me as well. So let's give them the good ol' American bird! And, for you head scarfing, women beating, use your kids for bombs, women hating, trouble makers...read on. You will get no info from me. This is simply entertainment for the Fam and friends!
So back to my patience lesson. Due to so much business in camp and sand storms, we have been unable to make it to our new base...bummer! Not so bad, if you don't mine being confined to the area around your quarters. And not bad if you don't mind getting your dinner brought to you late and cold and with someone else making your selections. And, as I just found out, we don't get paid.... wtf? I have been beyond cooperative. They say that I have too many clothes? (just the ones I was issued at training and then here, they add another back pack with my supplies- wth?- this is a special message for Colleen, wth?). I have become a burden to the people I came to work for thru no fault of mine. I'm not trained yet to work here, so I hurry up and wait. Wait for flights that are overweight because of my pittily supply of clothes. Make a executive decision to allow "Know it all John" to go to his station and get left behind , (because it was the right thing to do- he wasn't playing well with others here), and I wait. Wait for flights that end up being delayed until tomorrow. Wait for escorts that are impatient and rude because they have an added responsibility-me. And always wait for sleep time. This is the thanks I get. Great! I am almost ready to turn into "The Maria". The hulk-ing mess of F---ing women that has grown men screaming to their mommy's. Or I can choose to think of all this as another adventure and just another blog to share. Hummm, I think I'll pick door #2.

I think I can do this

Today was a new adventure. You never realize the crap that comes out of you, literally and thankfully- but, today I had the most unpleasant adventure of walking by the famous "Poo Pond". It looked like a glassy lake with an angelic fountain floating from the center. It's all liquified so, who would know? Those with any kind of sensory organs- that's who. The stench is horrible, indescribable and it seems to follow you like a bad fart. I tried to cover my face with my shirt and that was worse because it also gets into your clothes, so now I could taste it too. It makes your eyes water. I could go on and on, but who wants to talk about crap all day. I'm sure that's not what you signed up to follow. There is a best part to my story. The guys that I was with that were escorting me to roll call, decided after this experience to stop first at breakfast! This is my kind of place! Just like EMS, after a vomitus, bloody, guts all over mess- we would sneak off and call delay to get a bite and review the preceeding case while munching on fries. Yes, I think I can do this!

Airline travel is a great way to people watch. You can be whatever you want to be. Too bad it's usually a total a--hole! On my 5 hr trip from Texas to Wash DC, my neighbor and I picked out 5 terrorists on our flight. This stemmed from a man who was in line to use the bathroom and would not move for me to get into my seat- terrorist #1. I did squeeze into the seat, suffering a good bump on my noggin in the process. This game was my neighbors attempt to make me feel better... and me being a good sport!We even had a consular from Nigeria and the Air Marshall who had ear plugs in, but no volume, that sat behind us.  So eventually we thwart the intended destruction and was shadowed into the airport by the USAF! Congratulations all around. 
After 2 days of travel and numerous delays, we finally made it to KAF. My flight was 19 hrs, 13 spent from Wash DC to Dubai, where lucky lady mooned me again and I was mysteriously bumped from my choosen window seat to a spot between 2 big, hairy and smelly guys. Big guy #1 swore that he never sleeps and I could get up as much as I wanted to...he totally understood my predictament. Then, after knocking off a few cocktails, decided that he didn't feel like getting up, (8 hrs into the trip and only my 2nd request). I told him that I totally understood his choice and that I was very sorry to be a such a bother. Then I stood on my seat prepared to jump over him...he looked up in shock, ( oh to have a camera ready for moments as these), and said, "what are you doing?' I replied, " Honey, I have to pee and I'm going whether you like it or not. He jumped up in disgust and told me that if he had known that I was going to have to get up constantly, (??? 1 trips in 8 hrs. This was my 2nd request??) he would've have changed seats with me. So I said, there's still time! He wouldn't change seats but I took that opportunity from my prison to go and visit my friends in other sections and get a huge coffee!
Talk again soon...

Quick lunch, quick prayer and off we go...today is flight day. Saying good-bye to everyone just about made me come back home, but then Mike called from Afghanistan and I'm back on my path. Half of us went through Washington  DC and the other half went thru Germany, (lucky dogs). We gave hugs and good-byes so much I thought that Dave/Steve was going to kick us all off the bus!
 I'm with my buddies Mike and Greg. Both are Christians... Mike is a christian and I met him when I was at the NC airport. He was reading scriptures from Jeremiah. I asked him what topic he was studying and we got to to talking and we found out that we were both going to the same place- divine intervention! Isn't God amazing! And God has since sent me more Christian friends...I am surrounded- over in abundance! I pray that he continues to keep his arm around my shoulders and his hand on my mouth- cause the annoyin,g nice guy is flying with me. Is this a test or has God planned to use me in a special way? Stay tuned! I can't wait to see what happens!