Friday, October 28, 2011

So far away

I'm away from home and far away. I knew I would miss a Thanksgiving and opening presents at Christmas. There would be birthdays and New Years, all things that I've... been there... done that. I would only miss one of each and I'd be home before anyone got used to me being gone. It's only a year after all.  I thought those would be the hard times. I was so wrong.
My friend is in pain, and I pray. Her daughter is on life support and I can not help in any way, so I pray. I can't come home to be there for her, to help or to comfort her... I'm so helpless...so I pray. She will have a funeral for her baby girl , the only one she had. I know no details of what had gone so terribly wrong. Would it help me or anyone if I knew? So I pray. I pray for her comfort, her peace, her strength to get through this horrendous madness that no parent should ever have to face alone. And I pray for the Lord's love and strong arms to wrap around her every second of every day that she has to survive this earth without her child. And I pray with the believe that God will be with her every step of the way. And I'm grateful that she was brought to our church by her daughter to make unbelievably supportive, caring, wonderful friends that will be with her... God's will and God's walk, for such a devastating day.
 I will remember her beautiful happy face forever- RIP Angela

Hello Hell!!


                            In a new location and the 4th day of a cold, sinus thing. I've been doing a lot of sleeping and being sick and this is the perfect place to do it at. There is nothing to do here. The 3 of us work 2 hours in the morning from 6-8 and then 2 hours in the afternoon, 3-5. That's it! This is an itty, bitty base and any change would not be tolerated! That's OK... Not that I am all about work...sometimes I want to sit around just like the next guy- but not often and this is ridiculous! I was so needed here in Hell that I got a 12 hour notice that I was leaving Shangri-La. We were so busy the day I left that I barely had time to pack and forgot things. Now that I'm here, they are in no way set up for another person. 4 days later, and I still don't have Internet access- something very essential to do my job, well I need it to blog- don't I? I still haven't wrapped up my patients from the last base. We don't have the necessary equipment...example #1: who ever heard of have a medical clinic with nowhere to wash your hands? That's right, we do not even have a sink. It's disgusting working on patients with no washing in between them. Of course there is the hand sanitizer- NEXT!  Example #2:  There is no weight scale, quote,"too many people used it and broke it. They abused the privilege so we will not get another." So, I laughed, (you know me). A scale is really our way of making friends. It's the ring on a Merry-Go-Round that when you've caught it, you've really accomplished something. That is our scale. It brings the customer/patient in for a minute. It's your chance to make an impression. To be open and friendly...someone they can trust with their health.
 The bright side, (I'm all about a bright side), is I can feel that I've lost weight. Yippee! I was very resistant to this change in bases. I loved my last location and had friends. Everyone there smiled when they saw us coming. People crossed the street just to say HI! Patients came into the clinic sick and most went right back to work trusting that the care we gave would fix them up. Why on earth would anyone want to break something that worked so well? Poor LaDona is somewhere else and unhappy too, under a different gestapo. It seems to be a trend here...being unhappy. It amazes me that people stay the full year or even do more than one contract. You can tell who the new people are. They are the ones who smile and still have hope. Everyone looks at you like you are an alien...or the wait and see you in a month look, when you are as unhappy as them. The loners do stay for years. They do their robot jobs and exist day to day. AND mean people, they're everywhere, making life miserable for everyone.
 Medical people can be cruel. They have a power all their own, because they can send people home. We are here to keep the worker's healthy, happy and working. They come in sick or injured. Most won't even come in to any clinic for fear that they will get sent home, and sometimes for good reason. Or they come in when they can't manage their condition any longer, get care, medicine...and not come back for their follow up not chancing another opportunity to be sent away. I've found that many people can be borderline healthy and still manage to pass the physicals and come to work in Afghanistan. The conditions here are horrible. It's the nature of Afghanistan...very harsh, sand gets into everything...what you eat, drink, breathe. I once read a story about the making of," Jesus Christ Superstar." During the big dance scene in front of the temple ruins, they were diving into the sand and the director wanted a BIG effect with puffs of sand rising among the dancers as they dove into the earth. They could've gotten just that kind of sand here in the ends of the world- Afghanistan. It is like a powder puff as you walk. It reminds me of "Pig Pen", from Charlie Brown.  You'd think that since we are so isolated that it would give us something in common and band together. Not at all. LaDona and I had that in common...taking care of people with compassion and dignity and making them laugh. Our patients thought that we were their friends and like family. Even the few that had to go home, were grateful that we cared so much for them. Not one yelled or cursed us. That's how it should be.
 There is no reason to look down on or degrade another human being. You don't say, if you don't take care of your feet I'm going to send you home. You don't yell at the ones who really can't speak English. Why should anyone have to say," don't crap in the showers" and, " no squatting on the toilet seats when you go to the bathroom." There is actually a sign for this with a cute little person sitting daintily on the seat, then the bohemian with their feet on the seat and posed in a squat. I think to myself...what is our limit of teaching? Is it OK that some people are not of the west? Is it OK to do your own thing your own way? Looking around, I saw no one who would do such a thing. But is there a way to stereotype such behavior. Is there anyway to tell what nasty things people do in when they are alone. Unfortunately not... we are all guilty of some pretty gross behavior.  I like to think your things are worse than mine. But, to be honest.... We try to be civilized and live in this world together. We try to be respectful of the next guy. AND then there's Mr Perfect, who can sit in judgement and spew his verdict and expect life as they want it. Is it any wonder so many people are unhappy!
So this is my mission. I choose joy! I choose happiness! I choose to be the nut in this chaos! And I choose to be delirious in my new home. There are many nice people here, and for this....I'll probably be sent home as the renegade that I am...stand by!