This week we are giving mass flu shots through-out the camp. I'm the no pain girl. I have studied and took classes on how to lessen a patients pain and even how to relieve pain- But shots? There's no getting around it. It Hurts!
No one likes to get fooled into a shot. You know the game, "Look, there goes Johnny Depp", to make them turn their heads while you stab them in the deltoid. You have to approach it with kindness and respect. So I started out with the, look the other way- stab. This works on 50% of the people. The others are peeved! Capitalize that!!!
I had a lady that was wiggling and panting and moving in ways no human should while reminding me continuously that she hates shots. I merely swabbed her arm to elicit a blood curdling scream...at which point I secretly poked her...but soothingly I showed her the alcohol swab while I wiped her arm and said, "all done!" She opened her eyes in disbelief and I even had to show her the pin prick. She had not felt it.
No one likes to get fooled into a shot. You know the game, "Look, there goes Johnny Depp", to make them turn their heads while you stab them in the deltoid. You have to approach it with kindness and respect. So I started out with the, look the other way- stab. This works on 50% of the people. The others are peeved! Capitalize that!!!
I had a lady that was wiggling and panting and moving in ways no human should while reminding me continuously that she hates shots. I merely swabbed her arm to elicit a blood curdling scream...at which point I secretly poked her...but soothingly I showed her the alcohol swab while I wiped her arm and said, "all done!" She opened her eyes in disbelief and I even had to show her the pin prick. She had not felt it.
The Indians, Napalese and Pakistani's stand in line like it's a big screen TV give away and Thank you for their shot. It's health care that they don't get at home.
I did get a huge man that was afraid- deathly afraid of shots. I said a quick prayer that I wouldn't have to catch him should he faint. We did breathing exercises ala Lamaze. I figured the extra oxygen wouldn't hurt. Just when he was ready to push that baby out, or in this case exhale hard, I poked him. He didn't feel a thing and it's a fact that you can't feel pain and exhale out hard. You can't do both. Are we not amazing machines! Unfortunately, the anticipation did him in and although he didn't weeble, he did wobble on out, but he didn't fall down.
Then there's the man that came in with a forged note from his doctor. Nice try! And some of the kids are hiding...out of sight, out of mind- LOL!!! This shot is a requirement to stay in country. You get shot or you go home. Hey, I should be a slogan writer!
During a break, I strolled out for a smoke and everyone cleared out quick like. Now come on! Did I look like I had needles sticking out of my pockets? Hey! What an idea. I'm afraid by Wednesday I'm going to have to lasso and 4 point people into compliance. Not that I wouldn't mind drop kicking a person or two around here... Oh, none of the peons like me. I also wouldn't mind tackling some of the cute guys around here , but I am trying to stay age appropriate.
It is very cute how some want to show up their friends and jump in my seat excitedly and even offer to take another for their buddy.
Then there are the ones that ask if the shot hurts. I reply that," I don't feel a thing." It was real funny until last night after loading hundreds of doses without gloves that I got vomitus selectus and runsarrhea. That's my medical term for I got the flu... a mini version. No more Ha! Ha! for me...
I have an idea! Let drop flu bombs on the Taliban. They'll be so busy doing the poopie shuffle and writhing in fever pain that we can take back Afghanistan and declare peace in the land. Unfortunately it spreads like wildfire and I fear the good people of Afghanistan would suffer. Flu deaths are impossible to predict, but range from 3,000- 40,000 in a year. The complications such as pneumonia can kill you too. So get your flu shot!
I have an idea! Let drop flu bombs on the Taliban. They'll be so busy doing the poopie shuffle and writhing in fever pain that we can take back Afghanistan and declare peace in the land. Unfortunately it spreads like wildfire and I fear the good people of Afghanistan would suffer. Flu deaths are impossible to predict, but range from 3,000- 40,000 in a year. The complications such as pneumonia can kill you too. So get your flu shot!
