We are never, ever to divulge patient information...but I can tell you of all their silly little antics!
Trick #1: Today, a patient came back as ordered for further treatment. He was a really sick guy. Sick people usually cry and scream for their mommy's, or they're quiet. This was his case. He was very quiet and we caught him crying because he thought we would send him home. He is the only bread winner in his family, from a very poor country. His English is almost non-existent. So today it was a total shock, as I was evaluating him...and him saying how much better he was, that he told me of a mid- back pain that he suffered last night. I went and checked the side effects of his medications and returned to him to get a more focused idea of what was going on. I touched his back in the area he was describing and I said," does it hurt here"? He said no,"up more". So I rubbed the area up higher, and said,"anywhere here?" and he says, no,"up more". Now I see him moving his shoulders and I realize that he's trying to con a back rub out of me and I said," are you trying to get a back rub out of me?....He said yes! And then he laughed hilariously...
Trick #2: Today I missed my big chance... some really hot Bosnian guy came in. I have found that most guys from Bosnian are really hot. Unfortunately, they are also too young for me. Actually my fish pond is growing smaller by the day. (him, haw).. So anyway, I took him since LaDona was busy, but I really needed to run to the ladies- like yesterday! He said he needed to be seen for... a cough? He goes into the exam room and asks if he should take his pants off. I laugh and say, if that would make you more comfortable... (Hey, I'm old, not dumb). Well I do my utmost to be professional and evaluate him, (with pants on) but he seems to think it's playtime in the romper room and I can't laugh anymore without embarrassing myself, so I hand him off to LaDona. On my return, he is taking his shirt off...even LaDona doesn't know why, so I go in to ...help out...That's my story and I'm sticking to it! She's busy checking out his...nasal passages, his lung sounds on his chest...and he says," if you touch me one more time I might have to grab you and love you." That southern girl has never been at a loss for words before. And I know she has never blushed in my presence before. But, as the clinic erupted in laughter, she did both of those things.
Trick #1: Today, a patient came back as ordered for further treatment. He was a really sick guy. Sick people usually cry and scream for their mommy's, or they're quiet. This was his case. He was very quiet and we caught him crying because he thought we would send him home. He is the only bread winner in his family, from a very poor country. His English is almost non-existent. So today it was a total shock, as I was evaluating him...and him saying how much better he was, that he told me of a mid- back pain that he suffered last night. I went and checked the side effects of his medications and returned to him to get a more focused idea of what was going on. I touched his back in the area he was describing and I said," does it hurt here"? He said no,"up more". So I rubbed the area up higher, and said,"anywhere here?" and he says, no,"up more". Now I see him moving his shoulders and I realize that he's trying to con a back rub out of me and I said," are you trying to get a back rub out of me?....He said yes! And then he laughed hilariously...
Trick #2: Today I missed my big chance... some really hot Bosnian guy came in. I have found that most guys from Bosnian are really hot. Unfortunately, they are also too young for me. Actually my fish pond is growing smaller by the day. (him, haw).. So anyway, I took him since LaDona was busy, but I really needed to run to the ladies- like yesterday! He said he needed to be seen for... a cough? He goes into the exam room and asks if he should take his pants off. I laugh and say, if that would make you more comfortable... (Hey, I'm old, not dumb). Well I do my utmost to be professional and evaluate him, (with pants on) but he seems to think it's playtime in the romper room and I can't laugh anymore without embarrassing myself, so I hand him off to LaDona. On my return, he is taking his shirt off...even LaDona doesn't know why, so I go in to ...help out...That's my story and I'm sticking to it! She's busy checking out his...nasal passages, his lung sounds on his chest...and he says," if you touch me one more time I might have to grab you and love you." That southern girl has never been at a loss for words before. And I know she has never blushed in my presence before. But, as the clinic erupted in laughter, she did both of those things.
Trick #3: There are patients that really step over the boundary that is drawn between medical people and patient. For LaDona who has been seeing a BIG guy since we got here, He has come in for a number of legitimate complaints and returns with extremely useful gifts. I get some too! Problem is...I'm afraid in his little puppy dog state that he is going to do serious harm to himself. Not that he is purposely injuring himself...he's not. But he is so happy to have to come and see her. She joins me at the smoking shelter and he hops on down too. I'll laugh if he takes up smoking.
We are the motivation team. We sometimes get asked medical questions as we wander the compound, like- It hurts when I put my thumb like this... and I answer, don't put your thumb like that.
And we get those Don's who tell us that their hearts hurt every time they see us...I'm taking that as a compliment, 'cause I figure the other end would hurt if it wasn't meant to be.
The benefits!!! Everyone is so nice!
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