I am an island

Today I was sitting around with the guys and they were telling some not so PC jokes. I was laughing and one of the guys remarked that it's time for me to go. The place is rubbing off on me. Indeed it is. This was my favorite FOB to be at, but times change and people are constantly moved around. A fact I will never understand.

Check out this analogy, I have a sewing machine. I push down on the foot pedal which directs the needle and bobbin to work in harmony. The thread comes out in tiny increments threading through the material as perfect stitches. The wheel turns round and round to coordiate the parts. It is a well oiled machine and made perfectly for the job. Suppose I step softly on the pedal with tiny baby feet, the machine would not do quite a splended job- if it worked at all. If I jammed on the pedal all parts would work in a jerky fashion with my stitches toppling each other- some hiding while others are on the radar. You keep the person who does the best job with the highest skill level and who can do it with the least amount of effort. Make sense?

A leader should be that. Someone who others go to, is approachable, that they can look up to. A leader should have a voice and frequently use it, but not shout or demean. They should be visible- you can't look to the one you can't see. They make decisions in a calm, concise manner- so as not to panick the masses. They implement methods that are tried and true. They screw up too, but they alone take the blame thereby establishing trust. Lastly, they are resilent, optimistic and empathtic. That's the person I want on my side, the one to follow. Someone who has my back.

Not the one that leaves me stranded on an island with Hitler, Napolean and Baron Munchhausen rolled up in one. That was a recent challenge for me. As medics, many look to us. We're the docs they see. The one to fix all things. We perservere and compete with the challenge. We can muddle on and muddle through. Many things we can't change, but can make it better simply by listening. No matter the problem, we're here to fix the hurt. Even if the hurt is on us.

So the place is rubbing off on me. Gone are the days of putting racist in their place- I'm now a dirty, stupid black, and by golly I have to take it. (SO what I'm Mexican- same thing). I can get pushed around and not push back. Yelled at in front of a early morning meeting with disparing remarks and not defend myself. (Let's never forget how well I do mornings...I'm silly happy). And don't forget the cardinal rule that you follow all rules but HIPPA- I don't think so! Some things I refuse to change and patients do need protection.

So I leave to go back to nice and happy Maria and another place... where I am a rock. I am an island... always on my own.