Pondering...

These things make me nuts...Today my daughter called. She broke her ribs coughing with her pneumonia. She's been sick since December 17th, 10 days shy of 2 months. I want to call the doctor, who I've known for 20 years and ask him WTH? I'm so angry that I almost replaced that "H" with a "F". It's really not his fault. I should be home taking care of her, but instead I'm throwing money at the problem and trying not to think about it. She needs to take care of herself and grow up, I said to myself. But what happens if it causes her demise (Mommy worry's). Pounts to ponder when you can do nothing else.
And the death of one of Detroits finest, who I knew. I won't be attending his funeral or be there for his widow and kids. That makes me feel so far away and powerless, which I hate because we all know how I like to stay at the wheel. I miss my friends... and I ponder...
And my work... what happened to patient care? I've learned how to type out of necessity...Some days, I can't keep up with the paperwork. I've pondered until I found little tricks to cut down on the time spent on those things that keep us compliant and get us paid. Never much on organization, I have learned that it cuts down on time searching and makes my life easier. I told my buddy that I like rules and procedures and he almost broke his ribs laughing at me while I stared on innocently. Must shine halo tonight, I thought. Another point to ponder...
Add to that the threat that we all suffer of losing our positions. It makes people edgy, disgruntled and not good team players. I constantly say, "look at this as an adventure and not a job. Put on a happy face and a positive attitude. Don't let others steal your joy." I think too many people have had too much adventure and joy snatching here. The conditions frankly suck. They turn off the internet/ hence no communication back home, on a whim. Then, expect everyone to up their game- HA! Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought it was crystal clear that we would be able to correspond with our loved ones. Plus, the temperature outside is only good if you're a polar bear. I woke to seeing my breath from my sleeping bag this morning. I can't tell you how hard it was to run outside and dash to the potty. It almost made peeing in the bed look attractive. It's running me down. I actually had to go to bed early last night- the horror!
I still like it here and I still like the people and all that I've gone through and all that I have yet to suffer. It gives me strength and helps me to grow. I pondered the 10 moves and 8 FOBS that I've been on in 4 months...and that's counts my luggage too- what a drag! I shock myself that my vocabulary has not returned to constant "F" words. I still like to travel... they picked (on) the right girl. (Ha! Bring it on!) And I realized that to get angry would only hurt me. I want to do this job. For me, it's not about the money.  I do make an attempt to stay quiet and under the radar.. y'all stop laughing, I said I tried- maybe once or twice...But everyone needs someone on their side and we have NO ONE.. so I stepped up. I can't perfect health, resurrect, be perfection, or save your job, ( I can't even save mine. I count on Jesus for me), but I can be a friend. You can count on me to smile in your face and work on causing one on yours. I will listen to you, sympathize with you, hug you when you need one and be your friend. You can count on it. I have your back.