I've slept around too! (1/2/12)

                Today I read a funny article titled, "Slept around" about the many different bunk rooms EMS people have had to put up with. It was pretty funny and  I want to continue that thought with my own hilarious stories of my adventures in sleepland.

 

Once upon a time I had to share a tent with 10 other women from different parts of the world. We had 2 unofficial room mom's that made our lives hell until my southern belle princess friend got her gander up and took over. We constantly clicked the temperature remote for air conditioning against the Kenyans who liked it 140 degrees for sleeping in the summertime. Then there was mom #1 who pushed all the beds down from the front to the backside of the tent so that she could have a bigger area. (and thereby filling it with more crap).  I slept in the next bunk so this benefited me immensely.  I did not understand why none of the other girls did not push the beds back giving them walking space in between their bunks. I'm not one to be noisy, so I let it be.

 

I also slept in a tent that leaked right above my head when it rained. Fortunately it didn't do that much and I wasn't there for the rainy season, because I could not move the bed. I believe they put it in there and set it with cement. The cement didn't extend to the flooring however, which was un-sanded plywood...must remember to wear shoes. This was also a good reminder as Afghanistan does have scorpions and you never know when one will visit. I actually swept the walls once a week because sand would cake on them. Did you know that Tarantulas burrow in sand? You never can be too careful. No temperature control in that bunk either. It was hot during the day and the breakers would blow sometimes before midnight for no heat the remainder of the night. Thank you God for my super duper sleeping bag.!

 

In another camp, I was also given a room right next to the outtake ventilation (cold air return). That hose is about 2 feet in diameter and in it's cycle; sucks all of the cold air outside. The heat sensor realizes it's getting cold and heat is distributed throughout again to get the temperature to whatever it's set at. Easy right! I slept in front of that very loud air tunnel and it was windy and cold. I was always sick. To combat my discomfort, I placed my luggage with me on the bed standing up next to the tunnel. It helped greatly...my bunk mates complained how cold they were getting at night, so I hid my barrier/luggage under my bed during the day. This lasted a few weeks, then because the management could not find the problem with the heater we were all moved to a different tent. And I got a better room!

 

I also lived in general population where my bunk mate- the girl in the top bunk, was making a midnight bathroom run and hung herself from her dog tags. Luckily they broke! I couldn't understand why she was kicking me awake. The bunks were so high that a ladder had to be made because only a 7 foot tall giant could get into them. I had to sleep on the top bunk twice, but I was lucky that someone pushed me up. My foot would not reach the rung as I attempted to pull myself up. Me and my sheets landed on the floor more than a couple of times.

 

I have a cozy room in the clinic tent now...just a bed and a few nails pounded into the wood that make up my walls. Where patients can come pounding on the door all day and night and break up the monotony of another Ground Hog Day. Poor EMS with their heated rooms and TV's and refrigerators and microwaves and homes to go back to. I want to say boo hoo for me, but I get the check...cha- ching!  And it's all part of the adventure....   

 

In the photos; my room in the clinic today and my past room and mates Natalie, who's a dead ringer for Cristina Ricci and the southern belle princess friend LaDona                            

My signs part 2 (12/29/11)

Signs are a waste of time unless they get the message across clearly and concisely. My signs despict a message and get the point across...no tap dancing around it...." I should've been in pictures wa, wa."..

Would you wash your face with potable water or anything ever again after seeing my sign?

The drowning rat picture cracked me up! I just had to share! If I saw one of those in the pot, I would never use that one again.

Also, the smoking picture has multiple uses as it could also be displayed at the burn pit, and the hooka dens!

And the finger picture is another one of mine from the handwashing campaign as a preventative measure for disease.

That was my funtime! Thanks for reading.

Signs, signs, everywhere a sign..... (12/29/11)

So I figured an upbeat message is long overdue. Since I'm showing off signs today, I thought to show off the church and it's sign- cute isn't it! But, there are  a few signs that I find funny over here in Afghanistan.

Let's start off with my favorite, the signs in the bathrooms that tell you not to stand on the toilet. Why are they also in English? I can't imagine anyone in an English speaking country (USA) attempting to potty train Susie while doing a balancing act on the commode, can you?

There are signs in the port-a -potty's (Green Machines), with directions to the nearest squatty potty...also in English. I never even heard of these conveniences until I left the USA. Thankfully, I lived a sheltered and privileged life and I never knew what some had to go through until I started to travel.

Next are the big ol' smoking signs that glow in the dark. Granted, I am on on a blackout FOB, (only starlight and the moon illuminates) but there are few smoking spots so most of the people here have made there own little oasis close to their confinement. Most are courteous not to smoke next to the highly flammable tents, (I said most...there is also the Romanian area, my personal favorite smoking area because there's always a friendly face hanging out and they all have know enough English to get me through a cigarette thanks to "The Young and the Restless"). I'm still looking for the Bosnian spot as they stay up all night chatting, smoking and drinking coffee. Nothing like a double dose of stimulants to break up the monotony around here.

Then there's signs in all of the bathrooms telling you not to drink the portable water that flows freely from the faucet. What's it used for, you might ask? In response I say that you wash your hands in it and those same hands touch your face 20 times an hour or so. So, I guess as long as you keep your hands out of your mouth, you're OK...I have gotten out of the habit of putting my hands anywhere near my face. It's gross here! You also use the water it to rinse out your nose, shower and wash your hair all with your mouth shut!. Nice visual ay? Speaking of water, my "get the chlorine out shampoo" is a big hit and everybody wants to borrow it. It works great and removes all the chlorine build up...too bad we rinse with more chlorine and it's all a vicious cycle, but I'm still not as frizzy.

At some places there are so many signs that they are on top of each other and taped in rows, for your reading pleasure ...all in English.

And signs that teach bathroom etiquette while helping out the sanitation crew, very considerate!

"So I got me a nice search engine and I made up my own little sign...

Merry all the way....from Lagman... From Maria‏

All the best for you over this Christmas time... and my wish... DON'T WASTE THE CHRISTMAS PUDDNG!!!!!
 
 
Maria, Allan & Marilette

Merry Christmas!!

 It's Christmas Eve in Afghanistan and I was feeling a little bah humbug about it. It's the same day here everyday...Ground Hog Day. I stumbled into the Christmas Eve service at the Chapel, late as usual. We sang Christmas carols and prayed and praised the Lord. Then something amazing happened. As I listened, there were no missile attacks, no gunfire, no helicopters overhead. Just peace and harmony and brotherhood. There were also no loved ones and no presents to open. Just the sound of a congregation praising Jesus for his wonderful gift of peace between us and God so that we may have eternal life with him. And as I looked around the chapel at all of the faces illuminated by candlelight (firesticks), the pastor asked us to pause and reflect and remember this moment.... and I realized the wonderous gifts that I had been given in my life: People that believe as I do and that are sharing this day with me praising Christ in a far off adventure and a muslim country to boot- Ha! Afghanistan. The loved ones, friends and family that wait for me back home and that pray for my health and happiness and support anything that I do no matter how crazy it is- like going to Afghanistan and Cambodia and Timbuktu when I get there. Thank you for that! I love you too! I will never get another moment as this in appreciation for my life and loves and sharing the love of Christ and the day of his birth with strangers brought together by his amazing love. Those are my gifts. What a special once in a lifetime Christmas. Memories that I will cherish forever. Now go have yourself a loving Merry Christmas!                      

Who don't do that? Friday 12/23/11

Just when I thought I had enough...I woke to 17 below zero today and we don't have heat in our tent. I want to sing that ol' song..." Who needs heat when we have each other".  Have you heard of that ditty?  NO!?  Because I just made it up.  I'm freezing!  So what, I'm from Michigan and I should be used to it.  Who by golly gets use to the freezing cold?  And there's no one here to snuggle up to anyway.  I'm in a mood today.  I thought to go to the DFAC (chow hall) and cozy up to someone, but it was warm in there and I got hungry and ate, then I was comfortable and had a delicious chocolate chip cookie all warm and gooey, and then I got sleepy.  So, I wandered back, forgetting I was going back to the North Pole - (well, turn left and stop halfway to the equator.)  Now I'm back in the arctic tent with icicles hanging from my face...Ha!  You thought I would say from my nose - girls don't do that.  Girls also don't fart or leave an odor in the bathroom especially when they're there an extended length of time... (hint- light a match.) Girls don't burp or make underarm noise.  Go ask your wife or significant other...I can wait.  I'm in a mood.  I'm in Afghanistan.  I have nothing but time to wait and freeze to death.  Here I thought the Taliban would get me...oh no.  I'm screwed down in the cold.  This poor little Michigan girl is going to be done in by the Afghan winter.  I can hear the laughter now....no one does it better than Maria!

 Now that I've had time to feel sorry for myself and vent, I am going to commit to being thankful for what I do have.  For one, that I brought a coat, scarf, mittens and long johns (I am from Michigan after all and our motto is, Be prepared for the cold!)  I stood outside, (smoking of course), and watching as the locals came on base with their blankets wrapped around them.  No coats or any kind of warm clothing.  HR was good enough to donate hats to them.  I went to buy mittens or something warm for them, but there's nothing to be had. Everything flew off the shelf the minute the temperature dropped and with no supplies flying in due to weather...

For two, that I have my family, friends and readers to be thankful for. Thank you for supporting me through my travels in Afghanistan. I hope that I make the reading interesting and worthwhile. Merry Christmas to all of you!

Speaking of worthwhile...I started a hand washing campaign.  It's in response to some nasty infections in tiny wounds that we've been getting in the clinic.  It's amazing how fast gangrene can sink in. No one comes to the clinic until something is ready to fall off.  They think they will be sent home.  Well, guess what? Not only will you get sent home for being stupid and letting the infection set it, but you will be leaving without parts too. Try and pick your nose now! (girls don't do that either).

So in the spirit of Christmas, I have included my campaign pictures...Nobody does it better! Include these as your Happy New Years Eve party favors and ...

 Wash your hands!  (Girls do this...they also dance and karaoke!)

Merry Christmas!

Feel free to comment or write to me at angeltwins1@hotmail.com

 

                                               

Pox and other stuff

Gang! I wrote this for the company newsletter, but it may get dumped because I'm just a goof. I'll try to do serious another day, so check it out!              

In the countryside of Afghanistan on a quiet night on FOB Lagman all heck broke loose when a little guy from Indian walked through our clinic door. He said he was itching and felt sick with fever. His boss that came with him said,” It looks to me to be Chicken Pox.”  Now why did I spend all that money on education?  His boss was right!  So, we started our battle against Varicella Zoster.

With Casey as our fearless leader who stayed up all night writing a plan of attack and containment we gathered all potential clients who may have been exposed either by shared living quarters or by shared ventilation.  We came up with 17 contestants that were not thrilled about what they might have won.  Oops!  There were 16-one got away to KAF before we knew about it!

Next, each snatched a screening questionnaire - like it might get them out of homeroom, that asked about recent illness or blister like rashes and if they got the vaccine or had a history of  Chicken Pox. You guessed it - they all said they had them as a child in relief.  Fortunately, the 8 DynCorp employees really did have proof of their shots and were spared the horror of 2 weeks of isolation. We don’t use the word quarantine around here as that might cause a panic - like “Chicken Pox” wasn’t enough to cause them to run in horror.

We were then left to contain 7 non-DynCorp men and as space is a problem everywhere, they were left in their separate rooms.  Thankfully, we only had to daily monitor 2 of the men who had travelled together and had recently arrived to Lagman.  With only one with active pox a plan was made to see not only to his disease process, but also his daily basic needs.

Special thanks needs to be given to the many on Lagman that helped during this difficult period:

Jason, “boss man”, who pitched in and gathered meals for “Pox Ville” as the guys like to call themselves.

 Thanks to the cooperation of all the DFAC workers and especially Supervisor L who gave special permission for take-out food.

Billeting, the PAX terminal, the cleaning crew (Ecolog), the library who generously donated activities and books that they knew they would never see again, (decon darling) HVAC and Electrical crews that came running when the isolation tent lost power.  To all the men and women who stayed out of the way (and out of the guys only “private time” facility), I humbly thank you all.

To the FST Military men and women who gave their valuable resources, (the washer and dryer for bleaching clothes and linens) and donating replacement items for our detainee…very appreciated.

Lastly, I’d like to give a standing ovation to Camp Lagman who proved that “We Are Family!”

We are the proud DynCorp Medics: Casey, Marilette and Anna “Maria” who make it happen!